Let Our Shadows Fall Away Like Dust
by rainingroses05
Summary: "I'm always kind of thinking about it. It's just there in the back of my head." Lukas has a panic attack, and Philip helps him through it. For Philkas Week- Day 5- Confessions. Title from "You Are Enough" by Sleeping at Last.


It's raining. Lukas and Philip are sitting on the couch, pressed close together.

Lukas rests his head on Philip's stomach, and Philip runs his hands through the other boy's hair.

"Smile," Philip says. He grabs his phone off the arm of the couch, flicking to the camera.

Lukas looks up, a small grin already spreading across his face as Philip points the phone at his face. "Stop," he says, biting back a laugh. He covers the phone's camera with his hand.

"Too late," Philip says, smirking.

Lukas punches his arm lightly. "You suck."

"Aw, c'mon." Philip slides his hand down Lukas's arm and tickles his side, laughing as Lukas jerks violently away from him. "I know you love me."

"Stop," Lukas pleads between fits of laughter, struggling to sit up. "Philip, I'm gonna kill you."

"Fine, fine." Philip raises his hands up in surrender. "Your stomach hurt yet?"

Lukas smacks him across the face with a pillow and leans back, breathless from laughter. "Huh, you know, not really.

"Sure," Philip says sarcastically.

The rain comes down heavily outside, splashing against the grass. Lightning crackles across the night sky.

"Want something to drink?" Philip asks, standing up.

Lukas makes an annoyed noise, shifting to the other end of the couch.

"Aw, miss me?" Philip teases. He opens the fridge and sets two sodas on the counter.

"Didn't even notice you were gone," Lukas calls.

"Sure, you didn't." Philip glances at the clock. "Hey, do you want to order a pizza or something? Helen and Gabe won't be back until later."

Lukas doesn't respond.

"Lukas?" Philip hears a sharp inhale from the other room. His mind races through a million horrible scenarios. He thinks of the man from the cabin.

Philip hurries back into the other room, sighing in relief when he sees Lukas still sitting on the couch. Unharmed. "Lukas…"

His hands are tightly gripping the arm of the couch, his knuckles turning white.

"You okay?" Philip asks, sitting down beside him and rubbing his arm gently.

Lukas turns to look at him, struggling to catch his breath.

Philip can practically see the images in his wide eyes. The dark cabin. The gun. The blood.

He hates it.

And it makes him so, so _angry_ because Lukas shouldn't have had to see those things.

Philip bites his lip and tries to stay calm.

"I don't… I can't… I can't breathe, Philip…" Lukas struggles to force the words out. His chest rises and falls rapidly, his breaths coming in quick gasps.

Philip holds out his hand, and Lukas squeezes it tightly. "Yeah, you're okay. Can you do something for me?"

"I don't know. Yeah. Just make it end. Please, Philip. I- I don't want to see it anymore. Please." His grip on Philip's hand tightens.

"Hey, hey, it's alright. It's alright." Philip glances out the window. The clouds have drifted apart, and a sliver of night sky is visible between the splotches of grey. "Just… just look at the stars, okay?"

"Okay," Lukas says shakily.

"When I was younger, and I couldn't sleep, I used to make up my own constellations," Philip says softly. "See anything good?"

Philip glances over at Lukas. His breathing has slowed, and he looks relatively calm, compared to a few minutes ago at least.

Lukas raises one hand and gestures somewhat wildly at a patch of stars. "See those ones right there?"

Philip honestly has no idea what exactly he's pointing out, but he nods and smiles affectionately.

"Kinda looks like a dirt bike."

Philip snorts. "Dork," he mutters. He presses his lips against the back of Lukas' hand.

Lukas rests his head on Philip's shoulder. They sit in silence for a while, listening to the sound of the wind.

"Hey, Lukas?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened? Why were you even… thinking about that?" Philip asks quietly, rubbing circles on the back of Lukas' hand.

"I don't know. I'm always kind of thinking about it. It's just there in the back of my head."

Philip frowns. "Why didn't you tell me? I mean… I knew about the nightmares- and I have them, too- and it's not like we're just going to forget, but… I didn't know you thought about it all the time."

Lukas shrugs.

"You know you're safe, right?" Philip says firmly. Anyone who wants to lay a finger on you has to go through me first, got it?"

Lukas looks up and smiles. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. Don't believe me?" Philip raises his eyebrows.

"No, no, I believe you," Lukas says. "And, uh, me, too. I mean, I'll protect you, too." He blushes slightly and looks away.

Philip nudges him with his shoulder, smiling. "Yeah?"

"'course." He presses into Philip's side, shivering slightly in the cold.

Philip pulls a blanket off the arm of the couch and wraps it around Lukas' shoulders. He smiles at the way Lukas leans into his touch and hugs him tightly, burying his face in his soft hair.

"What are you going to do now, sing me a lullaby?" Lukas teases.

Philip rolls his eyes. "I love you," he says slowly, dragging out each word.

"I love you, too," Lukas says. His lips form the words perfectly, pulling back into a soft smile. "I love you so much."


End file.
